1. |
couch song
01:50
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i am on my couch again just like three months before
i am on my couch again i cannot do much more
but try a daily task meant to lift up the depressed
like the supplement concoction that i ate for breakfast
i drink a beer and tell a stranger that my hamster died
i drink rose and miss my train and wish that i had tried
there's a cavern in my couch where my body likes to sit
there's a cavern in my bed that i guess i've left for it
to get up, to get out, i rinse and defeat
from cushion to kitchen and to cushion and repeat
i am on my couch again the weather's getting cold
i am on my couch again and this is getting old
i cant buy enough activewear to ease my inner fears
with the 18,000 dollars that i made last year
i ask the internet why i cannot seem to move
i overshare, i'm unprepared, with so much left to prove
there's a cavern on my couch that my body occupies
it will stay there for so long that i don't recognize
to get up, to get out, i rinse and defeat
from cushion to kitchen and to cushion and repeat
i am on my couch again
i am on my couch again
i am on my couch again
i am on my couch again
come home to plain rice in a crusty bowl
i live inside a hole of my own making
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2. |
my doctor asks
01:27
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my doctor asks
if i eat my vegetables
i lie
i don't eat much at all
and when i do
and it's certainly not broccoli
i disrespect my body
my doctor asks
if i ever exercise
i lie
i am sedentary
the thought of getting up
is nothing short of scary
i'm too much for me to carry
my doctor asks
if i ever smoke
she doesn't believe me
when i say no
because i look like shit
and i feel like it too
my body doesn't know what to do
it recovers
it rewinds and tries again
it discovers
it can't remember when
this all started
or if it ever ends
i disrespect my body
i disrespect my body
my arms and my legs
and my hips and my tongue
hold on to what i put them through
when i was young
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3. |
what it is
01:45
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it is what it is because it was what it was
we slather the same sunscreen under the same sun
peel the burn layer by layer til the skin is raw
and wait for the chill of the winter to thaw
persist until you're missed or at least until you're seen
when there's no turn on red and the arrow's never green
persist until you're missed
or at least until you're fine
i can smell it on your breath
and you can smell it on mine
surrender to the void when it falls right through your grasp
nothing feels predictable with sweaty fingertips
i'm patient like a time bomb if a bomb knew how to wait
countdown to the meltdown on another interstate
i'm positive it's negative i know this well enough
when there's no turn on red and green is just a bluff
persist until you're missed
or at least until you're fine
i can smell it on your breath
and you can smell it on mine
you can smell it on mine
you can smell it on mine
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4. |
inhaler (reprise)
02:11
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you will begin to appreciate it as a constant
the mucus that resides in your lungs
this body is a burden but at least it's consistent
in the air it's failing to pump
so breath in breath out breath up and breath down
hang every limb out try dry
i want to vaporize in the shower every night
it does not work but i try
this body of mine does not belong to me
it's on loan from somewhere far away
i leave through my head and come back through my stomach
not detached enough to run away
i shrink i swell i wheeze and i whine
i climb back in to bed
i wanna be a burden when i speak
too much to make it through another week
you will begin to appreciate it as a constant
you will begin to appreciate it as a constant
cyclical not spherical
i wanna be a burden
i don't wanna be enough
i wanna be too much
too much to make it through another week
i wanna be a burden when i speak
i wanna place my body where its been asked to leave
somehow not enough but too much
somehow not enough but too much
somehow not enough but too much
you will begin to appreciate it as a constant
you will begin to appreciate it as a constant
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5. |
group chat
02:47
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if only if only the woodpecker sighs
my vitamin b levels were on the rise
i relate to the wolf, hungry and lonely
i text the group chat and no one responds to me
my government issued patience is waning
i question my answers that no one is taking
they look for me to say what i want next
but who i am i to know for me what is best way out
repetitive stories, persistent behavior
i'm finding new ways to quantify failure
i count, i measure, my every move
never quite stable enough to prove
myself to myself
i don't like what i have to think
and they don't like what i have to say
i don't like what i have to think
and they don't like what i have to say
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6. |
rowhome
02:42
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first day of spring marks a change
i rearrange my living room
the world's gone by, i say goodbye
to the couch i shared with you
i ignore the metaphor
of the way that things feel hollow
i ignore the warning signs
on the bed in which i wallow
the boulder in my belly
is a peanut butter jelly
resentment stored in the carpet
the flies that inhabit my apartment
summer's here, sign a lease
i'm at peace with where things are
the world's gone by, i say goodbye
but i haven't gone too far
i ignore my instincts
when the outcome is too scary
i ignore my gut in search
of something close to clarity
i'll move to another rowhome
or at least into another bed
i'll move to another rowhome
i'll live inside my head instead
am i just a fuck up with an art degree
or a sellout in a rowhome with a salary
a hole that i'll never crawl out of
a home that i'll never move out of
a role that i'll never grow out of
i'll move to another rowhome
i'll move to another rowhome
or at least into another bed
i'll move to another rowhome
i'll live inside my head instead
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7. |
alone on purpose
02:27
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my coat smells like every cafe
i've sat in from brreakfast til dinner time
i only talk to my barista
i am alone on purpose
my coat smells just me
and everywhere that i don't leave
the couch the floor the bed the door
i am alone on purpose
the roof of the house
that none of us live anymore
the twin size mattress
that keeps you living on my floor
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8. |
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the willing and the weird ask questions to the universe
the universe isn't listening
i look for signs where the stars align
but the stars align for no one
the stars align for no one
the stars align for no one
everything happens anyways
everything happens anyways
the willing and the weird ask questions to the universe
we fuck up, we fight it
we find a way to deny it
the universe asked me to put a sock in it
or maybe that was twitter
or maybe that was twitter
that was probably twitter
everything happens because it happens
everything happens because it happens
the willing and the weird ask questions to the universe
the universe ignores them
i ask a god for answers
but i don't think she's out there
if there was a god she wouldn't love me
if there was a god she wouldn't love me
everything happens anyways
everything happens anyways
everything happens because it happens
everything happens because it happens
the willing and the weird ask questions to the universe
the universe ignores them
i look for signs where the stars align
but the stars align for no one
everything happens because it happens
everything happens anyways
the universe isn't listening
the universe isn't listening
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9. |
outro (college friends)
01:41
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do i get drunk with my college friends?
or chalk it up to a means to an end?
do i grieve the life that could have been?
we know how this one ends
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anna ladd Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
timid punk
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