pity party

by anna ladd

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1.
00:29
2.
02:04
3.
02:16
4.
5.
01:55
6.
01:39
7.
01:57
8.
9.
00:23

about

songs to have fun to when you're not having fun

recorded @ home by ME anna ladd

thanks rachel lauren jackie jake chelsea + PPB
make music with your friends and make sure to drink 8 glasses of water a day

credits

released May 14, 2016

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about

anna ladd Massachusetts

timid punk

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Track Name: intro
don't let me smear my dirty hands on anything of value
it will fall into the mounds that populate my floor
that is cold to the touch when i crawl out in the morning
i slide back into bed
Track Name: TMI
even my web persona can't talk about the trauma
in a way that feels honest enough for my blog
i am oh so casual confident, detached and dominant
you can find me on the internet, trying to decode myself

because i don't like to feel my feelings
i want to hide behind apathy
i don't like to feel my feelings
i want to hide behind apathy

a shout into the void in the form of a post
get me drunk about it and i'll tell you the most
you've ever wanted to hear from the depths of my head
make you wish you'd skipped the text and liked the post instead

an indirect acknowledgement to fulfill all my needs
without recognizing what the gesture really means
give me the attention but don't make reveal
anything resembling how i really feel

because i don't like to feel my feelings
i want to hide behind apathy
i don't like to feel my feelings
i want to hide behind apathy

i don't like to feel my feelings
my tongue is numb to internet discourse
where nothing matters and nothing is new
a post about anxiety ready in my queue

i don't like to feel my feelings
i want to hide behind apathy
i don't like to feel my feelings
i want to hide behind apathy
Track Name: inhaler
you will begin to appreciate it as a constant,
the mucous that resides in your lungs
and these lungs are the worst but at least they're consistent
in the air that they're failing to pump
breathe in breathe out breathe up breathe down
anything's gotta work better than this
than waking up and coughing and not falling asleep
until the next night hits

and this body of mine does not belong to me
it's on loan from somewhere far away
i leave through my head, come back through my stomach
not detached enough to run away
i shrink, i swell, i wheeze and i whine
hang every limb out to dry
uncertain of my form but with no other options
than the vessel that i occupy

i'll cut off my legs and shave off my hair
and remove every inch of my spine
a poetry cliche about clawing off my skin
until it grows back less confined

you will begin to appreciate it as a constant
the way that it erupts from your throat
a plead to exit this dumping ground
with every passing note
breathe in breathe out breathe up breathe down
anything's gotta work better than this
than waking up and coughing and not falling asleep
until the next night hits
Track Name: l'appel du vide
my normal doesn't look like your normal
my vision is warped by my brain by my brain
waiting for traffic to just skim my toes
and remind me it's all in vain

there's things left for me to do here
even if i don't feel like it

my normal doesn't look like your normal
i step right to the edge and say hello
then retreat and reflect and consciously deflect
the call to get up and go

there's things left for me to do here
even if i don't feel like it
there's things left for me to do here
even if i don't feel like it

"to my friends, my work is done, my wait?"
the things you hear when you should've stayed in bed,
it rings and rings and rings in my head
when i learn about myself instead
Track Name: shortcomings
sometimes i wanna go outside without choking on a mouthful
of air that tastes like sewage and menthols
and the air tastes the same in this bubble that we built
a center city organism laced with white guilt

i'll get a new tattoo that says i came out swinging
but this time it'd be a bit more honest
everyone thinks the drivers in their hometown are reckless

i dont do my laundry cause it serves a metaphor
what would i write songs about if nothings on my floor
i am complacent in self sabotage cause its all i've ever known
wake up, doubt and deprecate and moan and fucking groan

i blame my apartment or my education
i blame my body i blame my brain
i blame my environment for my shortcomings
i blame my environment for my shortcomings
i blame my environment for my shortcomings

i'll get a new tattoo that says i came out swinging
but this time it'd be a bit more honest
everyone thinks the drivers in their hometown are reckless
Track Name: hemorrhoid
when you've shit out enough excuses to form a fucking hemorrhoid
to justify some boring work so you can get employed
by making art with an asterisk, prototypical pacifist
critical thinking is a drag
play it safe tone it down
play it safe tone it down

if quiet work gets good reviews and controversy makes the news
i know which one i'd rather be
i'm glad you did well in critique, your thin ladies with nice physique
critical thinking is a drag
play it safe tone it down
play it safe tone it down
critical thinking is a drag
critical thinking is a drag

and if i do not shut up by my impending graduation
i anticipate a long unpaid vacation
or make something digestible, easy to consume
frame it, hang it, fuck it in your perfect square white room

critical thinking is a drag
critical thinking is a drag
critical thinking is a drag
critical thinking is a drag
play it safe tone it down
play it safe tone it down
Track Name: floorboards
if there's nothing to be lost
then there's nothing to be found
scattered in the basement
no space left on the ground
where the sun won't hit the floor
in my room without a door

and the flies that inhabit my apartment
think that you're lying when you say
that i'm something to call home about
when my floorboards look this way
they say my negligence
my failing knees
my attachment to rotten memories
they say get out while you can
and i worry that they're right
Track Name: punk time makes me nervous
i have three leg tattoos so i should get along with you
there is an hour left to go until i gotta play this show
i am trying to converse but it's harder than it seems
there's all of three girls in this room and no one looks like me

and punk time makes me nervous, punk time makes me shy
standing around in a group where i am not quite in the loop
written off as sad girl tunes or taken seriously?
i am looking for space for my body

if there's space for me here then i haven't found it yet
maybe i should grow a beard and put it on cassette
i can get into hardcore and talk over quiet songs
and act aggressively so that we can get along
and punk time makes me nervous, uncomfortable inside
how many progressive mantras can you hide behind
if i'm the only girl band that you'll be forced to hear?
a glitch in your lineup that happens once a year
Track Name: outro
giving up just sounds like the phlegm in my throat
and i will asleep as my stomach starts to bloat
each fly that hits the floor says i'm gullible
a reminder that i'll never be comfortable