1. |
intro
00:25
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don't let me smear my dirty hands on anything of value it will fall into the mounds that populate my floor that is cold to the touch when i climb out in the morning i slide back into bed
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2. |
natural selection
02:02
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a song for lindsay woodack on her 21st birthday
natural selection vs.
my youthful resurrection
myself on a stranger's bathroom floor
my free condom collection
is offering protection
for everything but my head and core
no sense of direction
a personal rejection
of the lump that is growing in my throat
there may be a connection
some kind of intersection
with these lost lovesick poems that i wrote
oh, natural selection vs.
this god damn eye infection
you promised me that alcohol kills germs
all this introspection
don't know my own reflection
i think i have a lot left to learn
my arteries are clogging
my teeth are likely rotting
my body's giving out day by day
there is no sign of stopping
my head will not quit throbbing
i've resigned myself to this decay
natural selection vs. my blotchy, red complexion
this year is finally coming to a close
an anxious predilection
i'm begging for affection
aching from my head to my toes
maybe the golden section
can frame my trash collection
as something more than lawless disarray
natural selection vs.
my youthful resurrection
i'm just happy that i made it through the day
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3. |
TMI
01:51
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even my web persona can't talk about the trauma
in a way that feels honest enough for my blog
i am oh so casual confident, detached and dominant
you can find me on the internet, trying to decode myself
because i don't like to feel my feelings
i want to hide behind apathy
i don't like to feel my feelings
i want to hide behind apathy
a shout into the void in the form of a post
get me drunk about it and i'll tell you the most
you've ever wanted to hear from the depths of my head
make you wish you'd skipped the text and liked the post instead
an indirect acknowledgement to fulfill all my needs
without recognizing what the gesture really means
give me the attention but don't make reveal
anything resembling how i really feel
because i don't like to feel my feelings
i want to hide behind apathy
i don't like to feel my feelings
i want to hide behind apathy
i don't like to feel my feelings
my tongue is numb to internet discourse
where nothing matters and nothing is new
a post about anxiety ready in my queue
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4. |
empathy
00:56
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i'm trying to drown out this conference call
with tunes i liked in high school
you miserable department head
go sit somewhere else instead
my bubble does not like
you corporate structure types
who look at me like i'll go nowhere
other than where this train takes us
sorry if i sound little hostile
but i feel like i've got something to prove
and my outsider complex makes it hard
to empathize with you
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5. |
punk time
01:54
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6. |
shortcomings
01:48
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sometimes i wanna go outside without choking on a mouthful
of air that tastes like sewage and menthols
and the air tastes the same in this bubble that we built
a center city organism laced with white guilt
i'll get a new tattoo that says i came out swinging
but this time it'd be a bit more honest
everyone' thinks the drivers in their hometown are reckless
i dont do my laundry cause it serves a metaphor
what would i write songs about if nothings on my floor
i am complacent in self sabotage cause its all i've ever known
wake up, doubt and deprecate and moan and fucking groan
i blame my apartment or my education
i blame my body i blame my brain
i blame my environment for my shortcomings
i blame my environment for my shortcomings
i blame my environment for my shortcomings
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7. |
enough to try
01:49
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i water my plants every morning
and hope that they will grow
dig into the ground
or maybe just my windowsill
i water my plants every morning
when control seems futile
it's not enough to try
it's not enough to try
i drown my plants every morning
routine brings results they said
is consistency genuine?
does consistency mean anything?
you bloom, you shrivel,
and flies consume you -
i'll press you
if you ever remember to
it's not enough to try
it's not enough to try
it's not enough to try
it's not enough to try
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8. |
l'appel du vide
01:12
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my normal doesn't look like your normal
my vision is warped by my brain by my brain
waiting for traffic to just skim my toes
and remind me it's all in vain
there's things left for me to do here
even if i don't feel like it
my normal doesn't look like your normal
i step right to the edge and say hello
then retreat and reflect and consciously deflect
the call to get up and go
there's things left for me to do here
even if i don't feel like it
there's things left for me to do here
even if i don't feel like it
"to my friends, my work is done, my wait?"
the things you hear when you should've stayed in bed,
it rings and rings and rings in my head
when i learn about myself instead
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9. |
make me
01:45
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could this saggy pair of cutoffs ever encapsulate
the questions that have run through my head
the way that i present myself
the way that i regret myself
am i thin enough to be seen as androgynous yet
who would i be if no one had told me the answer
yet another indirect way to talk about my body
read me as a boy and hang me out to dry
it all makes sense when you put it in a timeline
"wow you really look like a girl when you try"
reach me grab me find me take me
is this body a wonderland or is it a graveyard
repeat the question til you're safe in your skin
is this body a graveyard, an organic resting ground
a collection of all the people i have been
reach me grab me find me make me
pull me hold me own me take me
weigh me daily let this change me
reach me grab me find me make me
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10. |
capitalism
03:19
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there's no one here to remind me to shower
remove head from sphincter at the end of every hour
capitalism scammed me
and i didn't even ask to be born
so why should i have to participate
or assign a value to the things that i make
if there's time to make them at all
if there's time to make them at all
i need to curb my vegan mayonnaise addiction
before my family cuts me off completely
that shit is seven dollars a bottle
i am irresponsible
scroll on past my free media
an average creative with an average blog
in search of job security
so i can die in obscurity
i get that this seems bitter
but at least i still have twitter
at least i still have twitter
where no one can ignore me
capitalism scammed me
follow all these steps and you'll be just fine
i'm still waiting for my passive income
from my well lit instagram
capitalism scammed me
another entitled millennial
i lack what i need as far as endurance
i don't want to pay for health insurance
why does nobody listen to my bandthere's no one here to remind me to shower
remove head from sphincter at the end of every hour
capitalism scammed me
and i didn't even ask to be born
so why should i have to participate
or assign a value to the things that i make
if there's time to make them at all
if there's time to make them at all
i need to curb my vegan mayonnaise addiction
before my family cuts me off completely
that shit is seven dollars a bottle
i am irresponsible
scroll on past my free media
an average creative with an average blog
in search of job security
so i can die in obscurity
i get that this seems bitter
but at least i still have twitter
at least i still have twitter
where no one can ignore me
capitalism scammed me
follow all these steps and you'll be just fine
i'm still waiting for my passive income
from my well lit instagram
capitalism scammed me
another entitled millennial
i lack what i need as far as endurance
i don't want to pay for health insurance
why does nobody listen to my band
i know i'm not that good
but i cannot be as bad
as the twenty one pilots
and lots of people like them
i know i'm not that good
but i cannot be as bad
as the twenty one pilots
and lots of people like them
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11. |
floorboards
01:30
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if there's nothing to be lost
then there's nothing to be found
scattered in the basement
no space left on the ground
where the sun won't hit the floor
in my room without a door
and the flies that inhabit my apartment
think that you're lying when you say
that i'm something to call home about
when my floorboards look this way
they say my negligence
my failing knees
my attachment to rotten memories
they say get out while you can
and i worry that they're right
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12. |
by trade
01:12
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a day of deep breathing exercises
panic, mess, and lost surprises
wednesday morning therapy
with a guy who can't seem to get to me
i don't know who i am when i'm not sad
this routine, this routine
it owns my head, owns my head
and oh my head, my head, my head
owns my body
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13. |
outro
00:24
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giving up just sounds like the phlegm in my throat and i will asleep as my stomach starts to bloat each fly that hits the floor says i'm gullible a reminder that i'll never be comfortable
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anna ladd Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
timid punk
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